Q&A

Before I continue on explaining the process, I’ve been getting some good questions and commentary from some friends, and I thought I should talk about a few of them here in case anyone else had the same questions.

I didn’t realize I hadn’t specified this, but a close friend asked me if the embryos are from my IPs or are any part from donors. In my case, the embryos are completely from my IPs. Health concerns prevent my IP mom from carrying, not conceiving.

That actually reminds me of something else. A couple of people have jokingly said to me something along the lines of, “So when do they stick the turkey baster up you?” To be honest, I think it’s a bad joke. It kind of annoys me. Maybe it is a similar analogy, and I know I joke a bit too. But something about that one just rubs me the wrong way. I feel like it’s a bit crude and insensitive. I don’t know if all carriers feel that way. I just feel like it undermines the nature of what we’re doing. Anyway, I just thought I’d put that out there in case you ever find yourself talking to anyone undergoing IVF.

So, where were we…oh yes…another old friend of mine left me a message talking a lot about the issue of breastfeeding the baby. That is something that is very important to her, as well as many women. One thing that is important to know is that it’s not an automatic that the baby cannot drink breast milk. It is probably a given that the baby won’t actually breastfeed, but breast milk is always an option. One of the questions they ask you is if you are willing to pump your milk and provide it to the family. Now, as my friend pointed out, this is a big commitment! Almost a bigger commitment than carrying the baby! Pumping milk, not to mention storing and shipping it properly, can be a time consuming thing that can disrupt your life a lot. But it’s up to each carrier whether or not they want to make that commitment. It’s not a mystery that breast is best, even though some organizations and people would have you believe otherwise. The colostrum, which is what feeds the baby from the breast the first couple days after birth, and is not actually milk, is the most important part. So, personally, I would think that if the parents request it and the carrier is willing, by all means, do it! There is an important rule though. I was told that the carriers are told NOT to breastfeed the baby themselves. If they are going to provide the colostrum and the milk, they need to pump it and have the baby drink it from a bottle. This is to prevent attachment from growing. It’s only natural, right after giving birth, for it to be more likely an attachment would grow between the carrier and the baby, making it a harder separation, and possibly causing postpartum depression. So carriers are discouraged from breastfeeding and told, instead, to pump if they are willing to. I must admit, as well, I wonder how it will feel not breastfeeding and allowing the milk to dry up. Because I understand it can be quite painful if you do not release your milk.

Me, personally…I did tell them I would be willing to provide milk. But I don’t expect to provide very much, for several reasons. 

(1) After my first pregnancy, I had trouble breastfeeding my daughter. I was not producing enough milk. I don’t know exactly why, but just that I had to stop after 8 weeks because I wasn’t producing enough to keep my daughter full and healthy. I had started supplementing with formula and was forced to only use formula. It was devastating for me. I cried my eyes out for a whole weekend as I came to terms with it. But I didn’t have much of a choice. So with this one, I don’t know if I will produce enough milk or not, so it’s not something I want to count on for sure since it’s a good chance I won’t produce enough. 

(2) To be honest, the prospect of spending all that time pumping, storing and shipping is not something I’m exactly excited about. As a single mom, time is precious, and that’s very time-consuming. I would spend an hour pumping before and get 2 ounces of milk out of me. Perhaps it’s because of my own experience clouding my position. 

(3) My IPs are not 100% of the mind of wanting breast milk. Their first child was allergic to my IP mom’s breast milk, and it was a scary situation at one point. So it’s not something they see as an absolute necessity. I can certainly understand that if that is what their first experience was like! I did say, if all the baby got was the colostrum, then all the better for the baby. So maybe that is how it will work out for us.

Generally speaking though, breast milk is always an option for these babies. Even if the carrier does not provide breast milk, there are other places IPs can get breast milk. There are milk banks. There are organizations that link breastfeeding mothers who are willing to provide breast milk to babies of mothers who can’t breastfeed their babies, for whatever reason. I actually have another friend who is donating her milk. She is breastfeeding her son, and she has an overabundance of milk. She has it all stored correctly and safely in a deep freezer, and she’s willing to ship it to anyone who wants it, of course shipping is their cost. She even calculated it all out and determined that the costs involved are still cheaper than buying formula! I think this is a wonderful, amazing thing as well, and I think it’s great that mothers out there are doing this. I hope that many IPs or women in similar positions research these options and utilize them! And if anyone wants me to put them in touch with my friend donating her milk, by all means, contact me!

So that is everything I wanted to touch on this time around. If anyone ever has any questions or wants me to expound on anything, please feel free to comment or email me, if you can, and ask! I would be happy to answer.