The Beginning...Again...

10/2/12 – Ok, so I paused and then never got back to it. You know how it is, the life of a single mom. Gotta do the work of 10 people by yourself. Ok, maybe not 10, but more than 1! Take care of the kids, the house, make money, fix things, cook…what do they say stay-at-home mothers are worth these days? Quite a lot. How about single mothers?

Ok, anyway, back to surrogacy talk…later on Monday, I realized that even if I had not gotten the pregnancy test back that day, I would have realized I was pregnant once I took notice of my breasts. Yeah, I remember that feeling from the first time around! I would have had very little doubt had I noticed prior to getting the results. For those of you who don’t know, you can get sore/tender breasts and nipples during pregnancy. For some, they can be very painful. Mine were never that bad, but it’s enough for me to notice the difference from when I’m not pregnant. The tenderness stands out. So I guess my increased appetite is definitely for a reason! 

I’ve been trying to figure out what “week” I am, and when the due date would be, though I know they will tell me anyway, but I’m impatient, what can I say. I think I’m considered the 4 or 5 week mark, and due date would be the 2^nd week of June or so. Ironic since my daughter was born June 20^th (and her brother June 6, sister May 29, and their mother June 9…we like June babies in this house!) It would really be ironic if my GC Baby (Gestational Carrier Baby – best I could come up with on the spot without using the family’s names) is also born on June 20^th. Of course, I went into labor on June 18 and didn’t actually give birth until June 20^th. I am optimistic that it won’t take quite so long this time! With it being my second pregnancy, I hear that things can change a bit…I can show sooner, and labor can be faster. I’ve already noticed that I am noticing the physical changes more so this time around. Of course I know I’m pregnant and know what to look for now, but still! So we’ll see as far as the labor goes. On one hand, the longer it takes, the better for my IP’s to get here. On the other, the shorter the better for me! But I would like to avoid inducing as much as possible, and Caesarean as much as possible as well. So we’ll see what happens. We have plenty of time to plan that out. In fact, let’s get through some other goals first, like the first trimester. I read through some paperwork from the clinic today, and it said once I get to the 7 week mark and verify the heartbeat, less than 10% of pregnancies miscarry after this point, so that’s the new goal now.

So…back to the beginning…again. I’m really going to do it this time, I swear!

For me, the beginning was a few years ago, once the thought entered my mind. I can’t remember exactly when it was. I just remember that I was still in my marriage and didn’t feel it was a good time to consider being a surrogate. But I read an article online about a family that became a family through two egg donors and two gestational carriers. Let me pause for a brief educational opportunity here:

 - A surrogate is a woman who carries a baby for someone else, but the baby is biologically hers. Her eggs are used.

 - A gestational carrier is a woman who carries a baby for someone else, but the baby is not hers at all. The embryo is made from either the IP’s egg and sperm, or donor eggs and/or sperm, depending on the situation of the IP’s.

 - IP’s, remember, are the Intended Parents

 - Egg and Sperm donors are as they sound, anyone willing to donate their reproductive cells and DNA for someone else to make a baby.

On another note, all of these are compensated, at least when doing it through an agency or clinic, with surrogates and gestational carriers compensated the most, I believe. I know that some people can’t imagine giving away a baby at the end, and might be more apt to consider something like being an egg donor. I guess if you think of it from one perspective, it’s just a medical procedure, retrieving the eggs from you. It’s different from going through a pregnancy and birth. But for me, I see it as my biological investment. I could never be an egg donor, because I couldn’t know that there is a child out there somewhere that is biologically mine and I’m not raising it. I couldn’t be a surrogate either, for that reason. That would be even harder for me than being an egg donor. But a gestational carrier, that’s different. I think of myself as an oven, not a mother, to this child at least. Maybe an auntie or fairy godmother :-). 

No, all joking aside, for me, it’s all the mentality. I have gone into this knowing that this is not my baby, and to be quite honest, especially with where I’m at in my life right now, I’m kind of happy that I don’t have to bring home another kid at the end of this! I have my hands full with life in general at the moment. I’m not looking to add another baby to that. But I’m overjoyed at being able to go through this experience and carry a baby and give someone else a baby at the end of it. I’m expecting that at the end, I’ll feel nostalgic and want to have another baby sooner rather than later, but I’ll be okay, and when the time is right in my life, I will. For now, I’m excited to experience every step of this pregnancy and grow a person inside me, one of the best gifts we’re given, and I’m hopeful to keep in touch with the family afterwards just like I would any other close friends and their families that I care about.

So back to my story, I read that article, and it really touched me. I felt like I would really love to do that for someone one day. So I kind of filed it in the back of my mind for a rainy day, and continued on with life.

When I separated from my ex-husband, I started to think about it again. I know that there was a difference of opinion with some people about this, but I personally felt that it was the best time for me to consider it. I did want to wait a little bit, for my stress level to come down immediately following the separation. But other than that, I felt that the timing was perfect for me. I would not want to do it when I’m trying to settle down again. I can’t imagine a worse time than being a surrogate (yes, sometimes I just use the word surrogate rather than gestational carrier. It’s faster and easier to explain) when I’ve met someone else and we’re starting to establish a life together. I wouldn’t want to do it until some time has passed and we’re settled in our relationship or marriage and perhaps even after having more kids of our own. So to me, it was now or years from now, and the younger I am, the better. Plus to be honest, going through a divorce, the added benefit of the compensation would take some pressure off right now. I would never and could never do it just for that reason. I mean, seriously, I’m willing to go through pushing a baby out of my vajajay (who else loves Grey’s Anatomy???). You don’t do that just for the money. And to be quite honest, going without sushi for 9 months is much more painful to me than the labor & delivery. No, I could never do this just for that reason, but the reality is that I felt the timing was right for me, both financially and just generally in life. Going through a transitional period right now, it felt like what better time is there to do this? I may not have another good time until my mid to late thirties, and yes, I would consider doing it again. So far, it has been very rewarding, and I would love to be able to bless another family that way.

So, I decided that I would definitely do this and soon, but I decided to wait a little bit longer, for things to get a bit more settled post-separation. After about 6 months, I decided the timing felt right, stress was down, things were going good, so I started the process. It still took 8 months from that point to get to where I am now, newly pregnant as a carrier, but we got here and the timing is perfect!