The Process Part 2

So once my IPs and I chose each other, that really began a months long process to get from what I consider stage 2 to IVF transfer. And I should really say that while I may consider it stage 2 because it’s the very beginning for me, it’s not the beginning for my IPs. They have already been through much more including egg retrieval and freezing their embryos. No, this was more like the middle stages for them in a very long process. The next couple of months, we all waited while background checks were performed and paperwork was processed. I had to have my OB complete some paperwork about my medical history, my most recent exam, and write a letter of recommendation for me as a carrier. Basically, the IVF clinic that we would be working with needed to have a very thorough look at my health and medical history. They had to know everything!  Then in June, they flew me up to New Jersey to the clinic for a full day of medical and psychological screenings.

Going back to the timeline for a minute…I submitted the application at the end of January. I had the conference call with my IPs at the end of March. Background checks, medical history and document processing April and May. Screenings mid-June.

So back to the screenings…I literally flew up the night before, went to the clinic all day and flew back that night. The screenings were pretty straight forward. I started off with the psychological part. I met with a social worker who basically interviewed me going through a long form asking all sorts of questions. It really was not that dissimilar from the application. Everything just went into even more details. She asked about any and all aspects of my life, really, to get a very good picture of me and my life. We talked about what this experience would be like for me and what the possibilities are. She went through the possible complications, which are the same for all pregnancies, yours or not, and do in fact include the possibility of death. Of course, this is what would most concern me! I really do not want to leave my children motherless. But with that and with all the possible complications, I felt that those possibilities exist for me anytime I’m pregnant, they’re not highly likely, and the chance of them happening is not enough for me to choose not to do this. I had nearly a perfect first pregnancy. I have no reason to believe that I would have problems this time around. I’m not going to hold myself back based on the fear of possible complications. The social worker also stated to me that while yes, death is a possibility, they have never lost a carrier and really, I’m not going to die. More possible than death would be the possibility of a complication that would leave me unable to carry any more children. While that would be sad…who am I kidding, that would more than likely be devastating...again, I’m not willing to hold myself back based on the fear of the risks. It’s more likely that won’t happen. If it does, I’ll get through it. I’ve survived a lot in my life so far. I can survive whatever potential complications arise from this.

We talked about the parents involvement in everything, which is not a problem for me. We talked about involvement in each other’s lives after this is all done and over with. I have said all along that I would like to exchange pictures and keep in touch just like I do with all my close friends. No pressure to speak too frequently. In my mind, before even starting this process, I felt like ideally, I would become close with the family just like I am with my closest friends, and our relationship would naturally grow from going through this process together. So it would only be natural to maintain that afterward. Even with most of my closest friends who live somewhere else in this country, I speak to them every few months. It’s as if no time has passed and our friendships just click naturally. But it still can be that infrequent and doesn’t negatively affect our relationships. I would imagine it to be the same with the family, ideally. And the truth is that I have already grown to care for them very much in a short amount of time. I would expect as we get further along, for that to grow even more.

The social worker and I also spoke about the money issues. She kind of expected me to say that it feels awkward sometimes because I don’t want to feel like I’m nickel and diming them. But she assured me that I should not feel that way. She said the parents always know that the carrier is not responsible for any costs associated with it, and that I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable tracking every single expense, down to the penny. And I’ve learned since then that there is an escrow account that the IPs put money into, and part of the agency is fund management. They handle the funds. I send them an expense statement every month and they send me reimbursement. They also make sure I receive other payments when I’m supposed to, which I’ll talk more about later. So it’s kind of nice that that part of it is handled separately, very professionally, so it doesn’t feel weird and doesn’t really interfere with my relationship with my IPs.

Following my talk with the social worker, she gave me a psychological evaluation to fill out. It was a questionnaire, approximately 500 questions (I can’t remember the exact number other than it was in the hundreds, so I’m going with that!). It’s a standard psychological evaluation meant to determine whether or not you’re stable, basically. The questions weren’t asking specific details about my life. They didn’t even require more of a response than answering on a scale of “this sounds a lot like me, a little like me, not like me, or really not like me.” It took me most of the day to complete it because I kept it with me and worked on it in between other meetings and procedures.

I also met with my IVF nurse, and she went over the procedures I was going to have that day, the IVF once it happens, the timeline and the medications I would need to self-inject, how to do them and where.  She gave me some papers to bring home explaining all this again, with images so I remember where to inject them, and contact information for everyone at the clinic.

That afternoon, I had bloodwork done and lastly, I had saline sonography done. Basically they filled my uterus with saline so that it would expand and they could get a good ultrasound view of it in order to check the shape of my uterus and ovaries. I didn’t know if this was going to be painful, but it wasn’t. There was a very very small amount of cramping afterwards, that didn’t last very long. I couldn’t really feel anything other than them sticking something up there that the saline went through, and that was no different from a pap smear. So no biggie!

That was all the screenings I had. The main highlight of the day was meeting my IPs in person! They picked me up from my hotel in the morning, and we went to a diner before going to the clinic for all the screenings. I actually felt bad at first because I was automatically expecting a couple to walk into the hotel. I also don’t know what I expected the dad to look like, but the man who walked in, alone, just didn’t strike me as my IP dad. I looked right at him and then looked back down at my phone. He walked over and asked me if I was Jessica, and I jumped up embarrassed that I had assumed it wasn’t him! My IP mom was waiting in the car, so that’s why I didn’t see the couple I was expecting. But I walked out to the car with him, met my IP mom as well, and off we went. We were able to spend a little bit of time chatting at the diner before heading over to the clinic. They spent most of the day with me at the clinic as well. I’m not sure if they actually had stuff they had to do there too. I think they did and perhaps also met with the social worker. Actually, that reminds me that I had one other meeting that day, with the social worker and my IPs as well, where we basically compared notes on different potential issues and where everyone stands for those things. We didn’t really disagree on much. The only thing was me preferring my midwife who delivered my daughter, who I have been seeing for years, and them preferring a doctor. But my midwife works in a medical practice with many other doctors, and they all work together closely, so it shouldn’t really be an issue.

So I also was able to have lunch with my IPs before they headed out and headed home. They don’t actually live in New Jersey either, but they live within driving distance. I do think it’s amazing how you don’t need to be in the same state as the agency and clinic. It can all be done from wherever you are, with the travel arranged as well. My IPs also had a problem with the laws in their state regarding gestational carriers, so they had no choice but to use a clinic in a different state. I think it’s odd and absurd that states can have laws causing problems with these sorts of things. I mean, if people want to have babies, they should be able to do so any way they can. Why would a state government cause problems with that. It can be shocking how laws can govern and regulate our personal lives to such a degree. But I’m digressing into political territory, and that’s never a good thing. So moving on!

I had a lovely time with my IPs that day. I already felt very comfortable with them. Following our conference call, we continued to correspond via email. So when we met in person, it’s not like we barely knew each other. We had established a relationship. Meeting them in person was so much better though. My IP mom is so so so warm, kind, friendly and generous. I don’t want to go into too much detail about them and their lives, out of respect for their privacy. But I did want to say, even with a communication barrier, my IP mom and I just naturally connected and communicate freely and easily, and I can feel the love between us. I feel like that sounds a bit weird, but I don't know how else to describe it. We're going through a unique experience together, and I can feel the emotions between us around that, in a good way. I do speak to her somewhat often as well. We check in with each other regularly. I can feel the hope for their future emanating out of her. My IP dad is also clearly very friendly, generous and loving, though in a more reserved way. We also clicked and were able to converse freely, establishing a friendship too. But from him, I can see and feel his anxiety and nerves about this whole process much more. I can see the fear of it not working out and the apprehension in getting too emotionally involved too soon, which holds him back and keeps him reserved. It makes me want to be able to put a baby in their arms so much more badly. I want to be able to see the joy on his face when that anxiety and fear falls away. I recall writing to my IP mom as well one day, because I got to thinking about this experience I was about to go through, and I started visualizing giving birth to this baby and putting him or her in my IPs arms, and I started to cry tears of joy. It just makes me so happy to be able to do this for them, and I wanted my IP mom to know that I’m very much looking forward to that day.

So overall, it was a quick and painless day, and I was on my way back home in no time. The next step was contract negotiations prior to setting a date for the IVF transfer…to be continued

The Process Part 1

So what is the process of becoming a gestational carrier, you ask? Well, let me explain that for you…(this is going to be long, so I'm going to break it down into multiple posts)

The first thing I did was do a search on gestational carriers/surrogacy and agencies also came up who deal with this sort of thing. This is how I found the agency I am working with, Reproductive Possibilities, http://www.reproductivepossibilities.com/. I sent an email to inquire about the whole thing, and they sent me a packet of information as well as an application. The packet also included contact information for other carriers in case I wanted to ask them questions and speak with someone who went through it before. I did actually speak to one of them briefly, just talking about the right and wrong time to start something like this. I actually received this packet and spoke with this former carrier about 6 months before I actually completed the application and submitted it. That’s when I decided the timing wasn’t perfect yet, so to wait a bit longer.

So about 6 months later, I felt the timing was right and I submitted the application. It was pages long and very comprehensive. It asked all sorts of questions. It started out with the obvious questions about me, where I live, what I do, do I have kids, am I married or single, education, etc. Then it moved on to what types of people I would be willing to work with and how close I am to a hospital and airport. I was surprised to learn when I first received the packet, that you don’t have to be in the same local area as the couple. In fact, this agency is in New Jersey and they work with carriers and parents all over the country. This is why they want to know how close you are to an airport! Then it asked for health and health insurance related information. Of course, lots of questions about your previous pregnancies, sexual history, drug history and criminal background.  It went through a comprehensive list of questions concerning physical and mental health. They also started asking some tough questions that really make you sit down and think:

“Would you be willing to undergo amniocentesis or other diagnostic testing to determine the presence of birth defects?”

“If there were a serious problem with the fetus and the intended parents wanted to abort, would you be willing to abort?”

“Are there any specific conditions in which you would not abort a pregnancy?”

These are questions that, for the most part, for myself, I felt that it’s up to the parents. But upon filling out the application, I did put that I did not want to abort for Down Syndrome. I put that I was willing to abort for most everything else that would cause major health issues for the child and/or me, but at the time, I didn’t feel that you should abort a Down Syndrome baby. I felt that it would kind of be the hand you got dealt, and you were meant to have that baby, if that were the case. So I wasn’t willing to abort for Down Syndrome.

Then the questions became what is your understanding of what this entails, describe yourself, describe the qualities you want in the parents of a baby you may carry. Would you permit them in the delivery room? Would you permit them to doctor appointments and ultrasounds? Would you allow their names to be placed on the birth certificate(s)? Would you be willing to provide breast milk? What are your reasons for wanting to be a carrier? Questions about adoption and fostering. How do you feel about carrying twins or triplets? How do you feel about reducing a pregnancy with triplets or twins to 2 or 1, respectively? How much contact would you like afterwards? How do you think you will feel about handing over the baby? How much support will you have?

It really is a very thorough application that requires answering a lot about yourself as well as taking a good hard look within yourself as to why you are doing this, what you are willing to do, and if you will be able to handle it. My answers generally followed along the lines of this is not my baby, so the parents have the right to make most of these decisions, and that’s okay with me. I am concerned if it is going to affect my health and becomes a life or death sort of thing. My opinion on reducing went along the lines of my opinion on aborting. And as far as handing over the baby goes, to me it’s all about mentality. I am going into this knowing that this is not my baby, biologically. I’m just providing a home for it to grow in. It’s kind of like fostering but just with the womb! Yes, I’m going to care for this child, but I know it’s not my child, and it gives me joy to think about helping someone else out this way.

Lastly came the compensation issue and consent and acknowledgement. In the packet, it stated ranges for compensation, and on the application, you are asked to specify how much you would want. I can’t remember the exact amounts listed in the range. For first time carriers, of a singleton, I believe it was about $18,000-22,000, and a few thousand more for twins or triplets. For experienced carriers, all the figures were a little bit higher. I actually left it blank initially. But after I submitted it, they called me and said I had to specify, so I just went right in the middle for both, and specified $20,000. I really didn't know what to put! I didn't want to lowball, but I also felt like what right do I have to demand the highest amount? So I decided to go in the middle. It was later said to me that I should have put the highest amount, primarily thinking of myself, but that's not who I am. I think about everyone else first, and I think about what's fair, and I felt it was fair to go down the middle.

After they went through my application and determined that they liked me, they conducted a phone interview with me, which basically consisted of going through all the same information that was on my application again. If they wanted to delve further into any questions and answers, they did so then, and made sure they were clear on my responses to certain questions, such as the abortion and reduction questions. Once this was completed, they added my profile to a list for intended parents to review. They told me that there are two lists. One is the list of carriers who are willing to abort. The other is the list of carriers who are not willing to abort. I would go on the list of carriers who are NOT willing to abort. I was told that more parents want someone who is willing to abort, just in case.

So about a month went by, and I was reading a book called Bad Mother by Ayelet Waldman. In this book, Ayelet talks about motherhood; the good, the bad and the ugly. In one of the chapters, she talks about discovering that she is carrying a baby with a trisomy similar to Down syndrome but more rare. She talks about all the emotions around that and the research she did into it, as well as the decision she made. Let me tell you, this is a chapter I sobbed my way through the first time, and then again the second time now as I refresh my memory on the details. Because the genetic defect her baby suffered from was more rare, there was not a lot of information available on how it affects the lives of babies born with this particular defect. One study they found showed that there were two possibilities. One was that the baby would be born without obvious defects. The other was that the baby would suffer from growth retardation, hypotonia, structural central nervous system abnormalities and seizures, facial malformations, failure to thrive, and developmental delay. They would not know which category their baby would fall into until he was born. Then came making the excruciating decision of whether or not to abort. She poured over research into the two ways the baby could turn out. Fought with herself over what they would be able to handle and what they couldn’t handle, i.e. physical malformations, mental retardation, etc. They sought counseling with a therapist specializing in this sort of thing. They spoke to their rabbi as well as family and friends. She spoke to the father of a son born with the condition who turned out normal. She spoke with a woman who decided to abort her fetus with the condition because her research indicated a bleaker outlook. She found an internet support group for people who have gone through this sort of thing. The turning point for me, as well as the turning point for her, was when she spoke to one of the researchers from that study they first read about at the beginning of their research. The doctor did not have any enlightening scientific news beyond what was published, but she did have the perspective of a parent, herself, of a mentally retarded teenager. She said “He’s the light of my life. I love him desperately. But if I had to do it all over again, I would have an abortion.” This was when it really hit me that it’s one thing to say, if you have a Down Syndrome baby, that’s the hand you got dealt (which sounds harsher than I mean it; I’m not phrasing it right. I think it should really be, you were meant to have this baby), and it’s another thing to actually live it. The extent to which having a special needs child changes your life is massive. I have to give major props to the parents of special needs children. Without me even being able to begin to truly understand all that you do for your children, your family and yourself, I know that it must be incredibly difficult but rewarding. Anyway, as this sunk in, I realized that I have no freaking clue what I would do if I were in those shoes, and I can’t say for 100% certainty that I would keep it. So I’m not going to tell anyone that they have to. And with that, I contacted the agency and told them I changed my mind, and they could change me to the “willing to abort” list. Trust me, I am very very hopeful that I will not have to go through that experience, being an abortion. But I’m willing to accept whatever outcome the parents choose.

Following that changeroo, a few weeks later I was notified that a couple liked my profile, and they wanted to speak to me. I was told that the next steps were having a conference call with the couple and the agency, after which, we would all decide whether or not to move forward. Just to give you an idea time-wise, this was about 2 months after I submitted the application. So the conference call was scheduled for later that week. I was a little nervous, not too bad though. I think I was more nervous because it was becoming a reality sooner than I was expecting it, and I had told very few people I was doing this. I had no doubt of the support I would receive (and already was receiving from a select close circle of friends), but I realized, it’s time to start talking about it. I wasn’t really too nervous about talking to the couple though. So the time for the conference call came, and it was not much different from the phone interview. Again, we went through the same questions and made sure everyone was clear on everything. They got to ask me any questions they may have had, and I got to do the same in return. The agency representative was kind of a moderator. One moment that stood out to me was that I remember saying that to me, I would kind of consider it like a job and it’s my job to take good care of myself and grow a healthy baby, and I remember, as I was saying that, hearing the mom go “Awww.” I didn’t even really realize how much of an impact that would make, as I interpreted it. I felt like that would be and should be a given for anyone who would be doing this. So that is something that stood out to me then. Overall, I just got a good feeling from them and certainly didn’t see anything wrong. We each had 24 hours to decide if we wanted to work with the other, or not. I felt like I had no reason to say no other than fear. But I had started this for a reason, so I wasn’t going to let fear hold me back. So with that, I said yes, and the next day that couple became my IPs!

The Beginning...Again...

10/2/12 – Ok, so I paused and then never got back to it. You know how it is, the life of a single mom. Gotta do the work of 10 people by yourself. Ok, maybe not 10, but more than 1! Take care of the kids, the house, make money, fix things, cook…what do they say stay-at-home mothers are worth these days? Quite a lot. How about single mothers?

Ok, anyway, back to surrogacy talk…later on Monday, I realized that even if I had not gotten the pregnancy test back that day, I would have realized I was pregnant once I took notice of my breasts. Yeah, I remember that feeling from the first time around! I would have had very little doubt had I noticed prior to getting the results. For those of you who don’t know, you can get sore/tender breasts and nipples during pregnancy. For some, they can be very painful. Mine were never that bad, but it’s enough for me to notice the difference from when I’m not pregnant. The tenderness stands out. So I guess my increased appetite is definitely for a reason! 

I’ve been trying to figure out what “week” I am, and when the due date would be, though I know they will tell me anyway, but I’m impatient, what can I say. I think I’m considered the 4 or 5 week mark, and due date would be the 2^nd week of June or so. Ironic since my daughter was born June 20^th (and her brother June 6, sister May 29, and their mother June 9…we like June babies in this house!) It would really be ironic if my GC Baby (Gestational Carrier Baby – best I could come up with on the spot without using the family’s names) is also born on June 20^th. Of course, I went into labor on June 18 and didn’t actually give birth until June 20^th. I am optimistic that it won’t take quite so long this time! With it being my second pregnancy, I hear that things can change a bit…I can show sooner, and labor can be faster. I’ve already noticed that I am noticing the physical changes more so this time around. Of course I know I’m pregnant and know what to look for now, but still! So we’ll see as far as the labor goes. On one hand, the longer it takes, the better for my IP’s to get here. On the other, the shorter the better for me! But I would like to avoid inducing as much as possible, and Caesarean as much as possible as well. So we’ll see what happens. We have plenty of time to plan that out. In fact, let’s get through some other goals first, like the first trimester. I read through some paperwork from the clinic today, and it said once I get to the 7 week mark and verify the heartbeat, less than 10% of pregnancies miscarry after this point, so that’s the new goal now.

So…back to the beginning…again. I’m really going to do it this time, I swear!

For me, the beginning was a few years ago, once the thought entered my mind. I can’t remember exactly when it was. I just remember that I was still in my marriage and didn’t feel it was a good time to consider being a surrogate. But I read an article online about a family that became a family through two egg donors and two gestational carriers. Let me pause for a brief educational opportunity here:

 - A surrogate is a woman who carries a baby for someone else, but the baby is biologically hers. Her eggs are used.

 - A gestational carrier is a woman who carries a baby for someone else, but the baby is not hers at all. The embryo is made from either the IP’s egg and sperm, or donor eggs and/or sperm, depending on the situation of the IP’s.

 - IP’s, remember, are the Intended Parents

 - Egg and Sperm donors are as they sound, anyone willing to donate their reproductive cells and DNA for someone else to make a baby.

On another note, all of these are compensated, at least when doing it through an agency or clinic, with surrogates and gestational carriers compensated the most, I believe. I know that some people can’t imagine giving away a baby at the end, and might be more apt to consider something like being an egg donor. I guess if you think of it from one perspective, it’s just a medical procedure, retrieving the eggs from you. It’s different from going through a pregnancy and birth. But for me, I see it as my biological investment. I could never be an egg donor, because I couldn’t know that there is a child out there somewhere that is biologically mine and I’m not raising it. I couldn’t be a surrogate either, for that reason. That would be even harder for me than being an egg donor. But a gestational carrier, that’s different. I think of myself as an oven, not a mother, to this child at least. Maybe an auntie or fairy godmother :-). 

No, all joking aside, for me, it’s all the mentality. I have gone into this knowing that this is not my baby, and to be quite honest, especially with where I’m at in my life right now, I’m kind of happy that I don’t have to bring home another kid at the end of this! I have my hands full with life in general at the moment. I’m not looking to add another baby to that. But I’m overjoyed at being able to go through this experience and carry a baby and give someone else a baby at the end of it. I’m expecting that at the end, I’ll feel nostalgic and want to have another baby sooner rather than later, but I’ll be okay, and when the time is right in my life, I will. For now, I’m excited to experience every step of this pregnancy and grow a person inside me, one of the best gifts we’re given, and I’m hopeful to keep in touch with the family afterwards just like I would any other close friends and their families that I care about.

So back to my story, I read that article, and it really touched me. I felt like I would really love to do that for someone one day. So I kind of filed it in the back of my mind for a rainy day, and continued on with life.

When I separated from my ex-husband, I started to think about it again. I know that there was a difference of opinion with some people about this, but I personally felt that it was the best time for me to consider it. I did want to wait a little bit, for my stress level to come down immediately following the separation. But other than that, I felt that the timing was perfect for me. I would not want to do it when I’m trying to settle down again. I can’t imagine a worse time than being a surrogate (yes, sometimes I just use the word surrogate rather than gestational carrier. It’s faster and easier to explain) when I’ve met someone else and we’re starting to establish a life together. I wouldn’t want to do it until some time has passed and we’re settled in our relationship or marriage and perhaps even after having more kids of our own. So to me, it was now or years from now, and the younger I am, the better. Plus to be honest, going through a divorce, the added benefit of the compensation would take some pressure off right now. I would never and could never do it just for that reason. I mean, seriously, I’m willing to go through pushing a baby out of my vajajay (who else loves Grey’s Anatomy???). You don’t do that just for the money. And to be quite honest, going without sushi for 9 months is much more painful to me than the labor & delivery. No, I could never do this just for that reason, but the reality is that I felt the timing was right for me, both financially and just generally in life. Going through a transitional period right now, it felt like what better time is there to do this? I may not have another good time until my mid to late thirties, and yes, I would consider doing it again. So far, it has been very rewarding, and I would love to be able to bless another family that way.

So, I decided that I would definitely do this and soon, but I decided to wait a little bit longer, for things to get a bit more settled post-separation. After about 6 months, I decided the timing felt right, stress was down, things were going good, so I started the process. It still took 8 months from that point to get to where I am now, newly pregnant as a carrier, but we got here and the timing is perfect!

Pregnancy Test Day!

10/1/12 - It is pregnancy test day, and I’m sitting here trying to start my blog about becoming a gestational carrier and I don’t know where to begin! The beginning is what some would say. But that seems so boring! I had wanted to get this going prior to this day, but the daunting task…figuring out where to begin, of course…has delayed me, not to mention just life in general. I’m expecting the call anytime now. I’m DYING to know. Prior to the transfer and the first few days after the transfer, I was sure, without a doubt, that I would be pregnant from this first try. But now, I’m not sure. Doubt has crept into my mind. (Or my intuition? Or my unnecessary worrying?) I have spent the past week noticing and analyzing every single body change:

I am WAY more sensitive to motion today and just generally feel OFF. I MUST be pregnant! 

Is that my uterus? Or is that gas? Hmmm, clearly my uterus. No, I think gas. I guess I’m not pregnant. 

Why am I SO hungry all the time now? I MUST be pregnant! 

I really don’t feel that abnormal than usual. I guess I’m not pregnant. 

Was that cramping from the procedure or from implantation? I’m going to go with implantation. I MUST be pregnant!

Oh, and this week, I had certain restrictions as well. No alcohol, no caffeine, no orgasms, lots of hydration, not too hot, no exercise, i.e. elevated heart rate, and that rounds out most of it I believe. Cue no elevated heart rate (I was allowed a brisk 20 min walk a day, but nothing more than that), so every time I felt my heart rate elevate AT ALL, I stopped myself from doing whatever I was doing. Randomly dancing around the house with my 3 year old…not this week! I nearly slipped up a couple times too! We spent the weekend at the university family weekend with my oldest, so did some walking around campus (not brisk! I watched that heart rate like a hawk! Besides, nothing is brisk with a 3 year old. Everything takes longer!), and there was a bouncy slide my 3 year old wanted to go down. But she’s not big enough yet to be able to climb the one side on her own. So I helped her and went down the slide with her. Apparently putting one hand under her butt as she climbed and climbing behind her that short distance, then sliding down, was enough to increase my heart rate for a minute. No more for me! Surely a couple minutes of increased heart rate is not going to make a difference, right?! 

So that is how the week has gone. Me second guessing EVERYTHING, and watching what I eat too. I think, actually, that since the placenta wouldn’t have formed yet, that I probably wouldn’t need to worry so much just yet, but I have checked which of my favorite cheeses are pasteurized vs. unpasteurized. I have asked if the Caesar salad is made with raw eggs. I have avoided questionable pasta salad and hot dogs from a BBQ in case it’s been sitting out too long. And most painfully, I have eaten my last meal of raw sushi. 

So now I wait…and wait…and wait, for a phone call about a blood test this morning. The local monitoring IVF center has to send the results to the clinic who did my procedure in New Jersey, and they have to call me to let me know the results. The closer it gets to 5:00pm, the more I’m afraid I won’t know today! That would be unbearable. I might need to go purchase a drugstore pregnancy test and hope that it’s not too early for the pee to speak the truth. If they can tell from my blood, I can tell from my pee, right?! Because I REALLY don’t want to wait until tomorrow to find out the results of my test. I’m sure my IP’s (that’s intended parents for the rest of you), are dying to know even more than I am. Surely we must know today, right?! Right?! And so I continue to wait…

Perhaps this would be a good time to once again, ponder going back to the beginning.

Nope, it’s not a good time, because I got the call, and I’m PREGNANT!!!! 100% She said these are the preliminary results. Full results are coming back tomorrow, but she didn’t want us to have to wait to know that I’m definitely pregnant! I said, there’s no chance it’s a false positive or anything like that, right, and she said no! Definitely pregnant! Woohoo! So excited for my IP’s, and just looking forward to being pregnant again. I loved being pregnant, which was part of the reason I decided to do this, which actually brings me back to the beginning again. I guess I should actually start it now. Here we go…