What's going on in there?!

It's been a LONG week! Everyday there's been something I wanted to blog about. But I've stopped myself every time. I've been afraid to talk more about being pregnant, for fear that it would go away. I don't know if it's because of the miscarriage last year or just because I'm older and wiser now, and more aware of all the things that can go wrong. I've had friends who have had tragedies, and not just early in the pregnancies, but in the late stages. It's probably a combination of all of it, and the result is that I'm more of a worrier this time. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I didn't worry about anything! I wasn't worried last year before I even knew I was pregnant, let alone after. But now I'm a worrier. I push the thoughts out of my mind fast. I don't want to dwell on them or attract that negativity into my life at all. But I'm finding it difficult not to worry. I hope, though, that as the pregnancy progresses, the worries will subside. Friday was a big step. Friday was the first ultrasound and more blood tests. A year ago, when they were doing ultrasounds to see what was happening with the pregnancy and why the HCG was lower than it should be, we saw nothing, just an empty uterus (the reality was that the embryo had implanted very low and not deep, so it was difficult to be seen, and it stopped growing since it wasn't implanted enough to sustain itself). Friday morning, we saw a beautiful oval yolk sac. There was no question something is in there and it looks good! 

The doctor even said that it's in a great location in the uterus and looks good. So I left the office relieved and happy. Later on in the day, my IVF nurse called me to go over the blood tests: my estrogen is at 168, my progesterone is at 31, and my HCG is at 3122. I realized that I haven't really mentioned the blood tests much. From weeks before the embryo transfer, they monitor the levels of my hormones to make sure that my body is first ready for the embryo transfer, and then sustaining the pregnancy. I started taking medications that are primarily these hormones, weeks before the transfer, hence the reason they are monitoring them. They need to know if the medications should be adjusted or not. So every time I have blood tests, they always call me with the results and they tell me what they're looking for as well as where mine are at. For Friday, they wanted my estrogen to be above 100...clearly passed! They wanted my progesterone to be above 10...still an A! And the benchmark for my HCG was 1500...definitely in the clear! She did say that the HCG varies with different women, but they generally want it above 1500 by this point. We're now about to the point, though, where the ultrasounds tell us what we need to know more than the blood tests. The next ultrasound is scheduled for Monday, October 7th, and we'll be able to see the heartbeat! That one will be really exciting! My IVF nurse also told me that, as of Friday, I am considered 5 weeks and 3 days, and my due date is May 29th, BUT, that has to be confirmed via the next ultrasound. Since May 29th happens to also be my oldest daughter's birthday, and I know she would prefer to be celebrating, if she's in town, I'm hoping that the ultrasound will change it slightly. I originally thought it would be the first week of June. But then they told me I'm considered further along than I thought. So we'll see how it works out. I also confirmed with my nurse that I will continue the estrogen pills and the progesterone injections until I'm 8 weeks pregnant (only 3 more weeks! Yay!), at which point, when she instructs me to, I can stop both. I will still have 10-14 days more of a progesterone cream to insert, and then I will be done with medications! I believe that it's around about that time that I can switch to my normal doctor as well. Speaking of progesterone shots though, I used up a package of needles and switched to a new one. I didn't take much notice of the fact that the needles went from 25 gauge to 22 gauge. I figured they were essentially the same. Well they were a little more different than I realized! I'm sure I mentioned this before, but it's been a year, so to refresh your memory, the progesterone is really thick. It requires an 18 gauge needle to withdraw it into the syringe, and then you switch to a 22-25 gauge for actual injecting (The 18 gauge is WAY too big to inject with). With the 25 gauge I was using, it's so small (in width) that it would give my thumb a cramp injecting it because the oil is so thick. But with the 22 gauge, it goes in easily, no thumb cramps, BUT, it's a wider needle, so it hurts more going in. I mean, it's not horrible. I can deal with it fine. But I definitely notice the difference. Before the needle going in didn't bother me at all. Now there's a bit of a twinge. But at least I don't get a thumb cramp every time, and that makes the process faster as well. So right now my 4 goals are: 1. ultrasound with heartbeat confirming due date, 2. no more injections, 3. no more medications at all, and 4. transferring care to my OB/GYN. They're all within sight now too, kind of! Woohoo!

One other update...I discussed what happened with the nerve in my back with the local doctor. I told him that I seemed to touch a nerve, because in that moment I felt a tingling line down the side of my bum. Fortunately that went away after 2-3 days, but after that, I had and still have a soreness and bruise like area, as far as how it feels, from the injection area to the middle of my back. I said that I assumed it would heal. He confirmed that it will, and said to make sure to stay away from the middle of my back, which is how that can happen. The funny thing is that I didn't even realize that I was more towards the middle! From my years of dancing, I can isolate my upper body pretty well and turn just my torso to get a good angle for the injections. So I didn't realize that the spot where I had injected it was closer towards the center of my back than I thought. It's also a fine line between too close to the middle and in the area where I'm supposed to inject them. At my first transfer, they drew a circle around the area, so I'm going by memory on that. But that's basically what happened, and it will heal and be fine.

So I'm going to backtrack now. Like I said, every day there's been something I wanted to blog about. Every day there's been more and more symptoms, which led me to be more and more confident the closer to Friday it got. At the beginning of the week, the first thing I noticed was how sensitive my gums are now! I remembered from my first pregnancy, reading that pregnant women can have very sensitive, even bleeding gums. Fortunately mine aren't bleeding. But it definitely went from one day flossing didn't bother me, to the next day flossing was quite painful! I've definitely been more tired, sometimes exhausted this week! And by the end of the week, the breast tenderness was starting. Fortunately for me, it's not as bad as some women have it. It wasn't the first time around either. I've heard stories about women who scream in pain even from just accidentally being hit in the boob, because the tenderness is that bad. Not so for me. It's just a little bit in certain areas. BUT, it's a hallmark of my pregnancies. It's something that I look for, even as a reassurance that all is well. A year ago when I was pregnant, I had sore breasts! That's part of how I knew I was pregnant. I think it was consistent throughout my entire pregnancy with my daughter. So this week, as I anxiously awaited the ultrasound, I was waiting for that to start, and I was relieved when it did. Of course it waited until the last minute! Kept me in suspense! But there were the other symptoms as well. I just had to put them all together and be confident in them. 

On Monday, I was so anxious about it, I asked God for a sign. A little while later, I was suddenly overcome with nausea to the point where I bent over and kneeled down on the ground waiting for it to subside so I could get something to eat. I wondered if that was the start of my morning sickness. Before Friday, I dismissed it because I never got that nauseous again, though I was frequently queasy, but it wasn't enough for me to be sure. Now, since it's been a consistent queasiness when I'm hungry, I recognize it for what it is...morning sickness, aka all day sickness, as it should be called. And here's your little lesson on morning sickness, if you don't already know. You can be sick any time of day, not just in the morning. It's called morning sickness because it's usually worse in the morning, probably because you're asleep all night, not eating, so you wake up hungry and sick. For me, it's all day, but it's not bad at all. I wouldn't even call it nausea. It's just a slight queasiness when I'm hungry, so as long as I keep eating, I'm fine. The fuller my stomach, the better. The only problem is that I'm ALWAYS hungry! Today I had lunch, a full meal, and when I finished, I was more hungry than I was before I ate! What kills me about this is that I read online that during the first trimester at least, you don't need to eat more than a normal 2000 calories a day diet, that it's during the third trimester more than anything that you really need to increase your calories. (I can't remember what their verdict was on the second trimester.) But seriously, I am SO HUNGRY, ALL THE TIME, that simply can't be! Well, today, I read in a pregnancy book I have at home, that weight gain should be slow & steady over the course of the whole pregnancy. Women in the first trimester average about 2-8 pounds weight gain. For a woman like me, in a normal weight range, I should gain between 25-30 pounds over the course of the pregnancy. (I gained 30 pounds with my first pregnancy.) According to the book, you need an extra 80,000 calories to grow a baby, and you should increase your intake by 100 calories per day during the first trimester, by 300 calories per day during the second and third trimesters, and if you breastfeed, by 450 calories per day. But if you're active or have a high metabolism, this may not be enough, and you may need to experiment to figure out how much you need, to maintain a slow and steady pace. I don't know what my weight gain is so far...probably not much if any! But I know I'm going to at least gain a little since I can't stop eating! I was even going to keep tracking my calories (how I lost 18 pounds this year), and focus on maintaining a fit pregnancy. Yeah it didn't take long for that to go out the window...the calories tracking at least. I'm still going to continue to work out daily and maintain a fit pregnancy, but I'm not going to track my calories anymore. I'm eating too much! It's getting old fast and taking too much time! If I'm hungry, there's a good reason, and I'm not going to get in the way of growing a healthy baby. I'm just going to take better care of myself this pregnancy and work out regularly.

Let me also add, I learned something new today. My sense of smell is through the roof! And that affects my queasiness too. I feel like I can smell everything! At work tonight, anyone with strong perfume or cologne, I was definitely aware of their presence. There were also many places in the building with such strong smells coming from all the food that it was making me more and more queasy! I had to eat to avoid getting sick. I felt like I couldn't escape it! I have also noticed my palate changing. Snacks and meals that I used to want all the time, I don't anymore! When I'm hungry for a snack, now I look at my fridge and pantry and just think there's nothing here that I want! But I don't know what I want. I just know what I don't want. And I don't want the snacks currently in my house. I also don't want raw beef around. During my first pregnancy, I turned off to ground beef, in it's raw form and overcooked. Well, the other day I walked into the kitchen while I was cooking some ground beef on the stove, and my nose immediately turned up and I thought, "eww, what is that smell?!" It didn't take long for that aversion to come back! I'm hoping that the level of queasiness I have now is what will remain for the first trimester...or nothing! It's very manageable. I remember having just a mild, manageable nausea the last time, though I thought it was a little bit worse than this. If it stays like this, I will definitely be happy!

One thing I'm not happy about...well, I'm not unhappy. It's just annoying. I already used to pee a lot. But geez louise, I can't stop peeing now! Even though the nugget's not big enough to put pressure on my bladder yet, the increased blood flow to the pelvic area triggers the need to urinate more frequently, per my pregnancy book. I was definitely aware of that last night when I was trying to sleep! I lost track of how many times I woke up desperately needing to pee. And it's not like it was a little tinkle each time. You would think I had been guzzling liquids in my sleep! I remember with my first pregnancy waking up constantly to pee. Well, I guess that's starting early this time!

The most obvious symptom I have had all week, though, which brought me the most comfort and reassurance as well, was the obvious changes to my uterus. I could feel it about 75% of the time. There was almost always some mild cramping and occasional twinges from the uterine ligaments. I even had a painful sneeze, and my first day exercising again left my abdomen feeling a bit funny too. I can definitely see why you can't do as much high impact exercising. Those uterine ligaments do not like being juggled around! My pregnancy book says "The cramping is caused by the hormonal changes of early pregnancy and your body's response to the stretching of the uterine muscle." Well, it's obvious to me...obvious enough that sometimes I think to myself "What is going on in there already?!" It's made me take to thinking of the embryo as a little nugget already, and that's how I refer to it to myself. "What are you doing in there already, little nugget?! Because it feels like there's an awful lot going on!" Well, what is going on in there? I looked it up. Originally I thought I was considered Week 4: "Amniotic fluid is now being produced and the fetus's eyes have started to develop. By the end of the week, the umbilical cord will have started to form." But it turns out I'm actually Week 5: "The hands have started to appear and major organs are now being formed. The embryo is now the size of an apple seed." It's amazing to me to think that 2 1/2 weeks ago, the embryo was so small it could only be seen microscopically by the specialist who prepared it for transfer and handed it to the doctor who implanted it into my uterus, and now it's already the size of an apple seed! There really is a lot going on in there!

Sometimes when I think about it, I can't believe I'm really pregnant! I mean, I knew this was going to happen. It was certainly the goal at least! But I guess the longer it took to happen, the more I wondered if it really would. There also seemed to be a part of me that, even though I knew this was what I wanted to do, had a harder time picturing it becoming reality. So sometimes it's hard for me to believe that I'm pregnant! I have always said that I'm not concerned at all about handing the baby over, and I'm not! It's very simple for me. It's not my biological child. It's the nugget, but it's not my nugget. It's their nugget. And I feel so honored to be able to do this for my IPs. There is something I'm a bit more concerned about now though. I saw a newborn photo of my daughter the other day, and I thought to myself, I want a baby again! Imagine how I'm going to feel after I've carried a baby for 9 months and given birth to one. I can't wait to see the looks on my IPs faces when their baby is placed in their arms, but I have a feeling I'm going to be a bit more anxious to have another one of my own again. Well I'm going to have to get over that! Because it is certainly not the time yet! So fortunately, I will have 2 big birthdays to worry about during that time, and I plan to recruit lots of distractions! And to be honest, one thing I am looking forward to...I'm happy that I won't have to take care of a newborn at the same time as recovering from labor and delivery, because that wasn't fun the first time around. So I'll get to just relax and sleep this time. Remembering what my labor and delivery was like last time, I'm already looking forward to the extra sleep! Haha

I can tell as well that I'm going to have a lot of fun with this pregnancy. The conversations will go like this: "I'm pregnant, but it's not mine." Cue the reactions! I already accidentally had an interaction like this. I went to my dentist the other day, and I informed my hygienist about the pregnancy, as a surrogate, because of the xrays. She informed my dentist about my pregnancy, but not the part about being a surrogate. I did not know this, so when he came in and congratulated me, I said, as I always do, "Thank you! It's not mine, but it's exciting!" He continued about his business and a few minutes later backtracks and says "Wait, what?! Did you say it's not yours?!" hahaha So I explained and then we discussed it. I'm sure it's going to be entertaining, though it may get old eventually over the next 9 months.

One reaction I am getting from people is something that surprises me, though probably more than it should. Well, for one, my dentist commented on what a big responsibility what I'm doing is. Funny enough, it doesn't feel like it to me. I mean, I recognize that it is. But to me, you just need to make sure you take good care of yourself. I do that already! So it's not like it's an extra responsiblity. It's an extra sacrifice for me with the things I can't eat, some of my favorite foods, and I get to go through labor and delivery, woohoo! But it doesn't feel like an extra responsibility. It feels like something that can easily fit into my life.

I have also gotten, basically, that I can't live anymore. Some people treat me like I'm fragile and breakable, or like I can't do anything anymore! Running to get me a drink so that I don't have to get up...pregnant women work out too, let alone get up to get themselves food and drink! What about running errands, taking care of a household, etc. etc. Being pregnant doesn't make you an invalid. I completely understand the concern and consideration, and for that I'm grateful. But I also kind of don't like being treated like I can't do anything anymore. Speaking of which, I have also been told that I can't do anything that in any way poses any potential risk to me and the baby because I'm responsible for someone else's baby inside me, i.e. I can't even fly on an airplane, which is the example that was given. That one shocked me. Why? Because there's a risk! Sure, there's a very very minimal risk that something can happen. I mean, besides the fact that I don't have any traveling plans anyway, and I am even not allowed to leave the country, per our surrogacy contract, because I need to have access to US medical care, pregnant women are still allowed to travel up until the last month or two. The risks are very minimal. In fact, there is probably a higher risk simply from driving a car regularly. After all, flying is safer than driving. Regardless of either of those, a random freak accident could occur to me anywhere and in any way. There are always minimal risks. I can't sit around in my house all day every day avoiding all possible risks. No pregnant woman can! When I was pregnant with my daughter, when I was 4 months along, I flew to England for a 2 week vacation. We were just fine. Yeah, I need to take care of myself and be responsible for this life growing inside me. I can't go skydiving or even on a roller coaster. I can't eat sushi. And I can't live promiscuously. Though only one of those I really want to do and would do anyway in my normal non-pregnant life. (Note: it's the sushi! Sadly, my tummy doesn't agree with roller coasters anymore.) Being pregnant, and being pregnant with someone else's baby, doesn't incapacitate me and doesn't forbid me from living my life, as long as it's not a high risk life. Trust me, I take good care of myself, my family and now this little nugget. I'm not going to put it in danger, and it's my hope that it will be born even healthier due to some of my lifestyle choices. So please don't treat me like my life is over for the next 9 months. I'm still happily living my life with the joy of growing a living being at the same time. It's really not that much of a difference.

So Far So Good...with a Hitch

My follow-up blood test was today, and we got good news! A year ago, the news was different. The HCG is supposed to double and continue to increase at a certain pace, but it wasn't. This was an indicator of the implantation error that would cause me to miscarry last October. But today, the HCG was right where they want it to be! So everything looks good and is progressing as normal. My first ultrasound is next Friday, a week from today, along with additional bloodwork, to again confirm that everything is progressing as normal. After that, I will have another ultrasound on Oct 7th for the first view of the heartbeat :-). Exciting!

Now, the hitch...I had already noticed that my soreness from the progesterone injections has changed. It was originally more of a strong muscle soreness, but now it's changed to be more of a soreness of the nerves on the sides of my bum. If I rub my skin, it activates the pain receptors in those nerves so it's painful just to the touch. Fortunately it's not so painful I can't stand it. It doesn't even cause me to say ouch. But it's enough to get old when it's a constant thing. I recall from the past that it lasts for a while after the injections stop as well. But last night there was the addition of something new. When I did my injection on my left side, I must have hit a nerve as well, because I felt a line go down the side of my bum. It's still there too. If I move certain ways, or when I'm sitting, leaning forward, I can feel that line. It's difficult to describe. It doesn't hurt. It's just a sensation that is annoying and slightly concerning since I wonder how long that's going to last. But it feels like there is something in there, about 4 inches long, narrow and in a direct line from the point where I injected the needle down and inward toward the interior of the body. So we'll see how long this lasts now! It's all worth it though. 

Some people have asked me how far along I would be considered and when my due date is. I don't know yet. I believe that the beginning of September would be considered the beginning of the first month, since the transfer was Sept 11th. So I believe I would now be considered at Week 3, and I believe my due date will be mid-June, probably around the same time as my daughter's birthday. Speaking of my daughter, I will not be telling her until we're at least into the second trimester and I'm showing. I've been told that there are books I can get to help explain it, so I'll be looking into those soon. Lots of exciting happenings and changes around here! Thanks for following :-). More updates coming soon!

Am I or Aren't I?

It's been an interesting week since the embryo transfer. I hadn't been able to decide if I thought I was pregnant or not. The first try, a year ago almost to the day, I just knew that I was. There was no doubt in my mind. And I was right! Sadly, it didn't end well. But I knew and I was confident in that at the time. The second try, in January, I swore I was pregnant and even associated symptoms to pregnancy, but then I was told that I was not pregnant. It literally came as a shock to me because I had convinced myself that I was. So this time, I think that I was afraid to believe that I was. I tried hard not to think about it too much, but when I did I focused on the positive. I did notice some symptoms that could be associated with pregnancy, but they could also be explained away. So I just tried not to think about it too much. I fretted that the pregnancy test was too soon this time and that it would come back negative because it was too soon, and what if I am in fact pregnant. I even asked my IVF nurse again..."Are you sure it's okay to take the test after only a week? If I am, how can you possibly tell already?!" It was hard for me, and since my fears were blocking me, I couldn't get a good read on what my gut was telling me. I did notice the cramping a day after transfer, and wondered if that was implantation. I had a strange evening where I felt slightly dizzy for most of the night, and that is definitely odd for me. I noticed the slight spotting that could indicate implantation as well. My IVF nurse pointed out that that's an excellent sign. So she probably wasn't surprised when she got the results. I could tell in her voice when I answered the phone. She didn't even have to say "Congratulations, you're pregnant!" because it was written all over her voice. You know how they say you can tell when someone's smiling, even through the phone? 

On a side note, I love my IVF nurse! She has been working with me since the first try, and she's always so helpful and friendly! She answers all my questions, and I feel like I sometimes have more than most people. I will send her long lists of ingredients in different items and ask her to check if they are safe for pregnancy, and she always answers me on every single one! She's such a pleasure to work with, and I think she appreciates me, and my on-the-ball-ness too! Just had to give her a quick shout out, haha.

So yes, I knew immediately when I answered the phone. She also told me that when she spoke with the intended father a few minutes before me, she even got some emotion out of him and he made a joke. We were both so happy! I have said once before, the intended father is very reserved with his emotions, whereas the intended mom is very expressive. So I was thrilled when she said she got some emotion from him when she told him I'm pregnant. She also explained to me that my HCG level is great. My test was originally supposed to be today, Thursday, with a followup 2 days later on Saturday. But my monitoring center down here is not open on Saturday, so they decided to move up the test 1 day to Wednesday with the followup Friday. She said that for the original day, Thursday, they would have been looking for the HCG in a range of 40-60. My test, on Wednesday, showed a level of 68! That's awesome! That gives me so much more confidence in this pregnancy. If you recall, the first try, we suffered from implantation failure. They were able to tell because the second test, two days later, the HCG did not increase as much as it's supposed to, which indicates that it did not implant well and it's not generating enough HCG so it's failing. Well, the fact that my first HCG level is already higher than the range they were looking for gives us more confidence that everything is going as it should be, and it will continue to do so. Of course, I did have a fleeting thought of that we're not out of the woods. We have 9 months to go, after all! Anything could happen in all that time. So we will say our prayers every day up until the end. But this is a good start. So let's focus on that!

One more thing I wanted to mention...one more thing I had noticed and that I noticed even more strongly last night...I'm very aware of my uterus, lol. I know that sounds funny! Let me explain. For one thing, I'm a dancer and I'm very in tune with my body. Even before my first pregnancy, I always remembered a friend who was also a dancer describing to me that she thought she was pregnant because she could feel her insides kind of rearranging to prepare to grow a baby. To me that's the same as me saying I'm very aware of my uterus. With my first pregnancy with my daughter, it was further along in the 2nd trimester when I became aware of what I'm talking about. I can't explain how I know it's my uterus I feel, or the mild uterine contractions, movement, or whatever it is, as it slowly starts changing, preparing to grow this baby, but I know it. I can tell! During my first pregnancy I described it as feeling like there is a bubble inside me, and I'm just aware of it sooner now. I do remember noticing it from the first try too, when I was pregnant for a few weeks. Well, yes, I can feel it again. It brings me comfort. I'm always aware of it and looking for that feeling. I'm happy to know it's there! I'm thrilled to be able to carry this baby for my intended parents. I'm excited just to experience pregnancy again. I had such a great first pregnancy. Hopefully this one will be the same! I'm looking forward to sharing this journey with you all. Cheers!

It's that Time Again!

Yes, it's been 7 long months, but it's that time again!

I would have written sooner about the impending date, but I wasn't feeling inspired. But once I got back into the routine with the medications, it all started coming to me.

Let's go back a bit first...a lot has happened in those 7 months, kind of. Well, we had to pause because my IPs had run out of embryos, and they needed to make more. The mom went through the difficult egg retrieval process, and in May, they had embryos and we thought we'd be scheduling another transfer for June. Sadly, that did not come to pass. When they tested the embryos, it turned out they weren't viable. So they were back to square one. I can't imagine how gut wrenching that is. They were faced with trying again with the mom's eggs or getting an egg donor. The decision was made, out of concern for the mom's health because it is in fact a difficult process, to go with an egg donor. She told me today that she's angry with her ovaries. That really made me think. I mean, when I found out, I thought that was sad and frustrating, but I didn't really put myself in her shoes. When she told me that, it made me put myself in her shoes. It's got to be really hard going through this IVF process anyway, and then to add to it that your ovaries aren't cooperating and you must use an egg donor just makes it even more difficult and emotionally taxing. I wish that was something I could fix for her too.

So, in June they started on the task of securing an egg donor. I had to fill out some information with an egg donor bank, and then just kept waiting. In July, we had to renew our contract since a year had passed, though that was quick and easy. Finally, in August, I got the message that we were ready to move forward. I coordinated the timing of the medications with my IVF nurse (they needed to be timed with my cycle), and by the second week or so I had started my medications again.

Now, something else happened in those 7 months. I lost 18 pounds! Woohoo! I thought, great, I can start a pregnancy in the best shape I've been in since my early 20s, and I can maintain a fit and healthy pregnancy. But I think that weight loss may have affected this in other ways I wasn't expecting. I started with the Lupron injection in my abdomen on August 13th. In the past, these injections have never bothered me. This time was different. Three quarters of the time they didn't bother me, but there was that last quarter that they really hurt a lot! I don't really understand what the difference was. It was even the right side and not the left side (because you alternate which side you inject on each night). I don't know if less belly fat could have something to do with it or not, but I was definitely feeling the difference!

One more thing that happened in the past 7 months...I moved! So I had to decide whether to keep going to my previous local monitoring center or see about changing to one closer to me. The old one would have been about 20-30 minutes away, but I was able to find a closer one only 5 minutes away. So I thought the decision was easy! Little did I know that this one wouldn't be as accommodating with the appointments. My old one could see me anytime in the morning, and I usually went around 11am. But this new one required me to see the doctor and not just an ultrasound technician, so I had to work around the doctor's schedule, which meant that my monitoring appointments had to be at 7am. In fact, the first one I had to be there at 6:45am. Not being a morning person and also having to drag my 4 year old with me at that hour, I was seriously considering switching back. But I decided to just make it work. I had my first monitoring appointment on August 20th and then started my estrace pills after that.

The purpose of the medications is to basically shut off my reproductive system. They don't want my body releasing eggs when it's supposed to be receiving someone else's embryo. So they use the medications to turn off my system and control the conditions in my uterine environment, and then other medications, like the progesterone, are added to support a pregnancy if the transfer is successful until the pregnancy is far enough along that the placenta is producing enough progesterone to support the pregnancy on its own. And then it's a normal pregnancy. The monitoring appointments before the transfer are meant to take frequent observations of my uterine environment and make sure my body is cooperating and is ready for transfer. They take blood to check the levels of estrogen and other hormones in my body, and they do an ultrasound to check the lining of my uterus and make sure my ovaries are not getting ready to release an egg. I have 2 monitoring appointments before the transfer. Then, 5 days before the transfer I switch up the medications a bit. I always stay on the estrace, but we add an antibiotic and Medrol, and I switch from the Lupron injections to progesterone injections. I think the purpose of the antibiotic is to rid my body of any infections at transfer time. I don't remember what the purpose of the Medrol is, but I can tell you one thing, it tastes HORRIBLE! I don't remember having a problem with it in the past, but this time, I'm really struggling with it. The first night I had to take it, the pill didn't go down right away, which happens sometimes. But it left this ridiculously bitter aftertaste in my mouth that didn't go away for hours! I was eating and drinking whatever I could to get rid of it but it wouldn't go. It was even still there the next morning! It was horrible. So the next day, I got the bright idea to drop it into a drink and immediately drink it. BUT, the pill got stuck at the bottom of the glass. So I ended up drinking a lot of Medrol flavored liquid and eventually the semi-dissolved pill. The result wasn't quite as bad as the previous night, but it was still bad, nonetheless. So 3rd time was the charm. The way I figured out to swallow this pill without getting any of that bitter taste stuck in my mouth, is to pour a liquid into a spoon, drop the pill on and immediately swallow it. It doesn't get stuck, and it doesn't have to sit in my mouth for any period of time, and it doesn't have time to start dissolving in the liquid. Thank goodness that was solved!

Next quandary...the progesterone injections. There are two types of progesterone, that I know of. One is in ethyl oleate, and the other is in sesame oil. For my very first transfer, I started with the ethyl oleate. The injections themselves weren't bad, but the progesterone going into the muscle made the muscle very sore. But with the ethyl oleate, it was so sore that literally just a minor touch was extremely painful. So you can imagine, with a 3 year old bouncing off me, there were some painful cries. Without me even asking, they ended up switching me to the one in sesame oil. Now this one is thicker and harder to inject. It actually gives me thumb cramps injecting it, BUT, the soreness wasn't even close to as bad. There was still some, but barely anything compared to the ethyl oleate. 

I have never been switched back to the ethyl oleate. So, starting the progesterone again, knowing it was the sesame oil, I didn't expect to have any problems. Now, mind you, to me, the progesterone injections are the worst part anyway. They're the most difficult, cause soreness and you have to do them for a while; until the pregnancy is 8 or 9 weeks. I actually think I will prefer the labor and delivery to the progesterone simply because the injections last so long with the side effects they have. So I already wasn't exactly looking forward to them, but I didn't expect to have any problems since the sesame oil was a relief last time when I switched. Nope. Not the case this time. Again, I don't know if it has to do with losing the weight, but I definitely felt them this time, and still do. The injections themselves hurt a small amount, though not enough for me to complain about. But the soreness was immediate and significant. I thought perhaps as well there was enough progesterone built up in my system last time that that's why I didn't notice a difference for the second try. But this time there was plenty of time for it to clear so it's completely starting fresh again. My muscles had gone completely back to normal, so the reintroduction of the progesterone made the soreness worse this time than previously. Sometimes just getting up causes me to pause. It's regular and constant. It hasn't stopped me from working out and going about my days as normal. But I do feel it constantly. 

All of those things are worth it though. Because hopefully, today, we have created a pregnancy.

As usual, I had to be at the clinic at 6am for bloodwork and ultrasound. Normally I arrange transportation from my hotel to the clinic. But this time, when I mapped it, it literally said the hotel was 19 seconds from the clinic. They were practically next door to each other! Only separated by a couple office buildings and some wooded areas. I knew that walking it wouldn't be 19 seconds, but I couldn't rationalize hiring a driver for 19 seconds. Fortunately, when I arrived yesterday, I had some time to kill, so I walked it then to make sure I knew where I was going in the morning. For those of you in a place like South Florida, this may sound odd to you. It's just down the street! Isn't it obvious?! Well, this isn't South Florida. This is Basking Ridge, New Jersey, in the wooded hills. It's not obvious. It was easy to figure it out yesterday evening, and on the way back, I even saw a mama and baby deer eating and drinking in a small creek that the road passed over! However, this morning, when I realized that the road had no street lights and it was pitch black, I was questioning that decision to walk! I'm very glad that I walked it the night before. Only a small portion of it I had to stay on the dark road. Once I reached the office buildings I could walk through their lit parking lots, and didn't have a problem anymore. But there was a brief period of time I was concerned about encountering a wild animal or a serial killer in the pitch black. I'm not ashamed to say I did some praying! But I did think to myself, it's highly unlikely a serial killer was hanging out there waiting for someone to come walking along, because who else would be walking along there at that hour! 

I obviously made it safely. I had my monitoring done, and then immediately went downstairs for transfer. This is different because in the past it has been a frozen embryo transfer, so it's been in the afternoon. But today was a live embryo due to the egg donation, so it was first thing in the morning. And boy did they move that along fast too! I expected to have to wait a little bit, at least while I drank my water. Nope. I was halfway through my apple when they took me back. I still hadn't finished it when the technician came to give me the laser acupuncture (this increases the chances of a successful implantation). Then I was given my 2 cups of water to drink, which I downed in about 10-15 minutes. They require the water because when the bladder fills up, it pushes the uterus into a better position for the transfer. It's easier for the doctor to insert the catheter directly into the uterus this way. Otherwise there is a bend that is harder to get around. Again, I don't know if it's because I lost weight, but holding my bladder was much harder this time! I didn't have this much trouble in the past! After the transfer I had to lay there for 15 minutes before I could get up. I was literally counting down the minutes painfully waiting until I could carefully rush to the bathroom! 

The transfer seemed to go very well though. I don't know why it seemed different this time. I can't explain it. Maybe it was the doctor's disposition. He was a little bit slower and seemed like he took extra precautions to make sure it went the best it possibly could. But I felt really good about it. He said the embryo was beautiful, and they also froze another one for later if necessary. The transfer itself is not painful at all. It feels like a Pap Smear but instead of taking a sample of my vaginal wall, they're sticking a catheter up there and dropping off a microscopic particle in there. It's quick and easy too. You spend the majority of the time waiting before and after the procedure than you do doing the procedure. Afterwards, the technician immediately came in for the post-procedure laser acupuncture, I waited until we were given the clear to leave, and then we were done!

I did learn some new things from the nurse at the end. She said that it's actually worse to stay on bedrest for the day or two after. It's better to move around a little bit. Not a lot. They don't want you doing any aerobic activities. But they don't want you laying around the whole time either. She also said that a study done by another organization has now proven that laughter helps increase the chances of success. So I've spent a good portion of the day today watching old Friends episodes! I did have some mild cramping earlier this evening. I remember from the first try I had some cramping in the hotel, and I thought then that it was the implantation. I did turn out to be pregnant that time, even though it was implantation failure and resulted in a miscarriage. Perhaps the cramping I felt this time around was implantation as well. One can only hope!

So now the waiting game begins until Pregnancy Test Day! The test will be next Thursday, the 19th. So it's not too long, but will probaby be nervewracking nonetheless. During that time my orders are strict: Avoid dehydration or overheating, No aerobic activitiy of any kind, No sexual activity, No smoking, No alcohol, No caffeine, and only medications specifically cleared by my IVF nurse. I will continue the estrace and progesterone injections though. Hopefully, I will be continuing them long after that as well! Wish us luck! 

*Note: Considering this post turned out a lot longer than I anticipated, thank you for caring and reading! I guess after such a long wait, I had more to say than I realized! Much love to everyone, and positive vibes all around!

Jessica